Smile of the Rabbit
by Lightning-Dono
Summary: Momiji's feelings about his past, and mainly...his mother. Oneshot.


**Lightning-Dono**: I was inspired to write this after reading volume 4 or 5 (I can't remember which one) and it was on Momiji's past. Since I love his character and I like writing fanfics based on peoples' past, here you are!

The dialogue is COMPLETELY different than it was in the manga or anime, so don't expect anything like that.

In the italics, it can be anyone from the manga speaking about it. If you've read the manga, you'll be able to differentiate.

Smile of the Rabbit **  
Author**: I honestly believe you should pay attention to the username.**  
Disclaimer**: I don't own Sohma Momiji, his past, or any other characters involved with this story from Furuba._  
The best way to face your present is to not forget your past._

-

Sometimes I wish my mother hadn't been so desperate. 

_"Yes, I want to forget...The image...of my little boy becoming...becoming a rat."_

Every now and then, whenever I see her face, I want to cry.

_"Who are you? Why are you playing here?"_

Sometimes the pain built up inside me never goes away, and I crack at the most simple things. But I know I can't be like her and forget someone who is of my own flesh and blood. The person who had gone through so much pain to bring me into this world. The only person in the world who took the time to bathe me when I was dirty, feed me when I was hungry, and comfort me when I cried. I wonder why she gave up so easily, just because I was different. Even so, I never felt spiteful. 

_"Tohru, that's my mother. She doesn't remember who I am."_

The agony I saw on Tohru's face is a look I'll never forget as I told her the story of my life. Salty tears leaked from her eyes, painting the perfect picture of a soul upset. A reflection of myself so many years ago...

_"What mother would abandon her child_ _over something so little?"_

A tearful face that could never be erased from my mind. Instead, it had been chiseled layer after layer into my heart. Every now and then, I wonder the same thing. Why would my mother leave me over something so little? I wish Hatori had never complied to efface her memory.

_"I will do it if you wish."_

...Why, mother? How could you leave my life just as though I had never existed? The moment I see you, I want to tell you how much I love you and that...I'm the son you have been missing. Instead, you have replaced me with your newborn daughter. No matter how cute, I wonder how you could substitute me so easily. Don't you feel regret? Don't you understand that what you have done has nearly torn me apart?

_"Momiji, it's easy to speak of your past, but harder to face it. Never forget what your mother has done to you, the feelings you felt, and learn from that." _

I never felt like I would feel the arms of another person around me ever again until I met Tohru. The only person I would risk becoming my true self for. Some may refer to that as foolish and undesirable, but I believe that the best way to compensate for what you have lost is to find someone to fill in that hole. I lived by theory, and it has done me much good. Yet, I've never been able to make up for the imprint my mother had made falling out of my life.

_"There were times where I felt like the only person that truly existed was my shadow, but now that there are so many others in my life, I'm happy that I kept going."_

Mother, I hope that you never feel the pain of abandon like I have. It's a terrible to suffer through, and some don't have the courage to delve into happiness upon coming out of the depressive mentality. They have too many worries about being hurt once more when they've become cheerful. But truthfully, if you don't chose to make your life blissful, the only person who will ever hurt you is yourself. If there's one thing that you could learn from having your memories disappear is that what you have now will never be comparable to what you had then.

_"Don't worry, Momiji-chan, everything will be fine."_

You had happiness, and in life, I think that you can be the wealthiest man in the world, but if you aren't content, you have nothing.

_"I want her to understand. Sometimes I cry about it...but that's not the way to live my life out to the fullest. Mom, letting go can never forgiven, especially if you don't take the time to go back and remember. But until you decide to, I will keep smiling, in hopes that you'll recall the face that you left so long ago."_


End file.
